Now, we're not talking any old shoes. My grandma wears stilettos. She will actually put down a pair of shoes if the heel isn't high enough. Keep in mind that my grandmother just turned 78 years old. She wears hotter shoes than I've ever even thought about trying on. AND not only does she own thousands of shoes, she gives each and every pair of heels a name. No, we're not talking about names like Dolores or Patty, because well that's just not any fun. And my grandma - she's fun.
To Ryan and Lailah's wedding she wore a pair called The Kitchen Sink (because if you've got everything but the kitchen sink, these are the kitchen sink). She's also got her Prostitute Reds and her Diarrhea Slings. She had recently bought a new pair of pumps before this most recent trip into the city, so she had to bring them with her to show us - these were her Snow Whites. Last year, on our shopping excursion she bought her Reynold's Wraps (yes, that's Reynolds Wrap as in the aluminum foil manufacturers). This year, Grandma didn't let us down. She got two new pairs of shoes.
She was wearing a teal leather jacket that looked stunning on my 78 year old grandma, and she happened to run across some heels that matched her gorgeous jacket. She just HAD to buy them. We called them her Flippers (yes, named after the dolphin). These were actually the same pair of shoes my cousin had recently purchased and returned because she decided she didn't need them. And yes, my cousin in 25 years old. For Grandma, it's not about needing them. When my aunt asked her if she was going to wear the new shoes that day (since they matched her jacket and all) she simply responded, "No, they hurt my feet". Yes, turns out they really pinched her left foot, but she just couldn't not get them. She'll wear them on one of their cruises where she doesn't have to stand on her feet all day.
When buying her second pair of heels on Thursday, the salesman at Neiman Marcus asked her what outfit she was planning on wearing these shoes with. She looked him straight in the eye and said, "I buy the shoes, THEN I find the outfit". This is another fun part of shopping with Grandma. When we walk into these designer stores and head for the shoe selection, sales people never assume it is my Grandma shopping for these outrageous heels. They will glance at my mom, my aunt, my cousin and I only to realize that we are all just here for Grandma. These are the second pair of shoes Grandma purchased on Thursday, except they were bright pink:
My grandparents cruise a lot, and her shoe collection has become famous on the ship. When they board the cruise, their wait staff will spread the word and various crew members will come by to check out this old lady's fabulous shoes.
The sad news here is that my grandmother wears a size 7.5 (which, coincidentally is the same size shoe my cousin Sara wears). Unfortunately for me, I would have had to start binding my feet at the age of 7 to fit into Grandma's shoes. So, Sara will probably inherit the beloved shoe collection... but hey, at least they'll stay in the family.
The saying, "They're not your grandma's shoes", has a whole new meaning in our family.